Untying a knot

Arizona in December is nice. Orange trees are fun to see.

Watching how Heavenly Father blesses you?

Nothing short of miraculous.

I realized something over my past week and a half in Arizona. Something that I've found needs to be re-emphasized to me every now and again until I get it. Until it sinks in.

I was in Arizona with KacyAnn's family. I had a lot of fun, including watching bottle rockets be launched at and chased by one of the dogs named Bella.

But that was not where I learned this lesson. I learned these lesson's from the one on one moments. From helping KacyAnn with wedding decisions, to talking to Brianna about not letting grades define who she is. Or doing the dishes to show Andrea and Cole in some small way how appreciative I am that they're allowing me into their family and to be with their daughter.

Life is not happy when life is about me. Life is happy when life is not about me.

I've had many experiences lately in my life (be them extrinsic or otherwise), that repeat this.

Life is happy, when life is not about me.

It's interesting to look inside yourself. I find that you'll always find a knot that needs untying. They may be knots of pride, being content, or not a willingness to listen. At times it maybe large knots, but other times they are the smaller-tighter knots.

Those knots that require...Someone else. Someone who knows how to untie any knot.

Because when life is about Him. Then life stops being about me.

Then...life is happy.

Because I let you.

It was the annual Christmas party.

50 people crammed in my kitchen living room area? Hello Sardines can.

Jayden just wanted to play a game.

"Ryan, can we play Break the Ice?"
"KacyAnn, can we play checkers?"

"Not right now buddy, sorry."
"I have to help make the rice, sorry Jayden."


The boy was frustrated. Clearly. Frustrated that no one paid attention to him, no one understood how he felt, no one communicated with him how he was hoping. Then, something interesting happened...

He didn't care.

It's not that he didn't care about me, his mom, or KacyAnn, he just went and found something else to do. Rather than get offended and not like everyone for what they do, he looks past that and moves on.

Interesting-I guess the primary reason that there are so many broken families, hatred of people, and hurt feelings, isn't because you didn't listen to me, or because you hurt me...

It's because I let you.

Buy me somethin'!

I have to admit-I knew how to get what I wanted out of mom.

Dad? Not so much.

"Mom, I promise I'll pay you back."

"Mom, it's only 10 bucks. I'll clean my room real good."

"Dad, can I-" "No."

"Okay."

Every Christmas I've always had lists--no, more like books of things I wanted. Lego toy sets, remote control cars, basketball hoops, anything but clothes! Bleh!

Then a few years ago, my siblings and I decided to give up on our list and work on someone else's. Go find their toys, cars, hoops....and maybe even clothes! Bleh!

I found the gift I really wanted. I found something that took ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future to teach Scrooge...

I found Christmas.

I hope we can all do something to find Christmas inside ourselves...even if it means giving up some of your new clothes...

Bleh!

When you know you know, you know?

As per request of someone *cough* Madison Neiswender *cough*

I will tell you about what I did to propose to KacyAnn, and why I'm now a believer of the old cliche, "When you know, you know, you know?"

The day before I proposed I went to build-a-bear with my sister, Jayden and Kaylie. I wanted to get a stuffed animal and then put a recording in the bear of me asking her to marry me. Well- J and K had a blast. Kaylie was set on getting the puppy, and since KacyAnn loves puppies (thank you Sheila) then I thought it would be good.

Jayden was set on getting white and black tennis shoes to dress him up, I was looking around for some clothes and didn't see anything. I was about to just get the Harley Davidson jacket when I saw a little blue costume and a badge on it that said "Prince Charming". Perfect.

So we started off the day by going to the temple. We first went to the Draper temple, but as we walked in there we could tell it was really busy. My plan was to propose at the temple grounds, but with the weather being so windy and cold, I was deciding quickly that I was going to have to about face that plan.

We stopped after the temple at my mom's house to do laundry (hey-when you're seriously dating someone you can do stuff like that on a date okay?). KacyAnn had been talking to her brother on the phone for a while, and I realized I couldn't wait any longer. I just had to ask. She hung up with her brother and we were standing there talking. We were about to leave for lunch, and I said, "before we leave, I need you to close your eyes."

"What? Why?" she said. I grab her hands and place them over her eyes and say, "just keep your eyes closed."

At this point it had hit me. All the nerves were shot, all the excitement was coming to the surface.

I was shaking like a leaf.


So much in fact, I couldn't open my temple bag that had the bear and ring in it. I kept trying but that zipper felt like the sword in the stone, and I unfortunately was not King Arthur.

Once I finally opened it, I put the bear in her hands and said "when I tell you to, squeeze your left hand." She did and the bear/puppy said, "I want to be with you for eternity, so I was just wondering-will you marry me?" (Thanks Tiff).

She opened her eyes and I was down on my knee with the ring, and she said yes!

It's been interesting and humbling to see the Lord's hand in my life. There have been several things that have happened in the last year that I believe have prepared both of us for where we are now.

I wonder why

I wonder why some people say,
I can't, I won't, I will not change.

I wonder why they dig their heels,
So deep in the ground they no longer feel.

I wonder why we cover our ears,
To the love of repentance, forgiveness, and tears.

He brings back to you that which was lost,
Only if you're willing to listen, and times pay the cost.

I wonder with humility, people will say,
I can, I will, I must always change.

You can fly!

Trust me...it's possible.

Imagine yourself going to the top of a mountain. As you get to the top you look over this cliff and you can see for miles!

You see rivers and sunsets (just one) and trees (colored-it is fall of course) and you say with wide eyes "wow! this is amazing!"

"Jump." says this voice behind you.

"What?" you respond with this strange look on your face.

"Jump, if you do I'll make you fly." He says.

You notice that this man in front of you is wearing clothes a little different than yours. He's wearing all white...in the mountains. But you feel something. You know it's Him.

"I don't think I can," you respond. "I can't fly."

"Why not?" He asks. "Do you have faith in me?"

"Well...." you say as you frantically look for some other excuse not to look straight at Him and say, yes.

"Yeah, I do."

"Then jump. If you jump I can make you fly."

What holds you back from jumping? Is it fear of what might happen? Is it a lack of trust? We dig our heels so deep into the ground that we look at Him at times and say "I can't sorry, I'm stuck." When in fact all you needed to do was change our steps or direction.

What's your cliff you need to jump from?

You can fly.

Trust me...it's possible.

Jack and Jill

Jill didn't want to be "just like everyone else".

She wasn't like that. She ate different food, she liked different things, she was different.

"Why should I believe what everyone else believes? It obviously get's no one anywhere...all it is are blind sheep being led to the middle of nowhere. No thank you! I'll have none of it!"

Then an something happened.

Jill's best friend Jack, was critically injured.

He'd fallen down a hill.

Jill suddenly found herself wondering why she was here and what happens after being here.
"What happens if one day, I go tumbling after like Jack did?" What happens?"

Jill didn't know. She found herself searching for answers. One day she found them. She started attending church again every week, reading, praying--

All those things the "sheep" do.

Her friend Jack asked, "but what about being led blindly? What about being led to nowhere?"

Jill then said something that changed Jack's life.

"You can't be led blindly when you have faith in following the Shepard."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to be baptized in the water.
Jill went down, and changed her heart.
And Jack came in right after.