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Friday, April 22, 2011

You chose to leave

To quote the old man of Princess Bride, "Muewidge is what bwings us togeva, today."

Okay, so I'm not getting married for a week...but I'm still going to say some things related to it that are on my mind.

I have been trying to wrap my mind around something...I am not a professional in any field, nor am I perfect in everything I do, and everything I say, but I try to find ways to be better.

Why do we allow ourselves to "leave [our] father and mother...and cleave unto your [spouse]"... and then financial, communicative, or relationship strains occur...and we see people all around us who start to cleave to anyone but--be that friends, coworkers, church friends, pets, anything but that person they chose to cleave to. Interesting, we find anyone (or anything) to bring us those exact feelings that our spouse originally brought.

I understand people change. If I was still the same person I was when I was 15 years me, I would not be marrying the woman I am marrying in 8 days...but there are three fundamental principles that-if upheld, will keep you cleaving to whom your covenant or vow commits you to...your spouse.

One principle is loyalty. Elder Scott stated, "If you are married, are you faithful to your spouse mentally as well as physically?"1 I always think of KacyAnn's dogs when I think of loyalty. You can see how much they love that family. No matter how many times they're teased (like bottle rockets being shot at them and watching them bark at them when they pop). No matter how many times they do something they shouldn't do, and then they walk toward you with their tail between their legs... and you just know they're sorry. They find ways to enjoy their time with you, even when you know they'd prefer doing something else (usually eating). Loyalty is demonstrated through actions taken, not through words spoke.

Next, is the principle of humility. British nun, Monica Baldwin said, "What makes humility so desirable is the marvelous thing it does to us; it creates in us a capacity for the closest possible intimacy with God"2. If we're not willing to admit that we are wrong, how can we hold that against another? Finding how to improve and admitting you don't know everything, there lies untold power and strength. There sits ability to become more tomorrow than you are today.

Lastly, the principle pure love. You cannot be everything to everyone, but you can be someone to somebody. When you're married, that somebody is your spouse. I hope throughout my married life, my wife can question everything in the world...but never question how much I love her. My theory is--love does not conquer all in a relationship, but it certainly gives you a leg up on those competing for your place.

Do I know everything? Nope.

All I know is...I see a difference between Ryan now...and Ryan 10 years ago.

And it's not just because I got older.


  1. This is so true! It's great to love your spouse, but the other things - humility, loyalty - those are what help to make the marriage work!

  2. Aww this is great. With those three principles, you can conquer all of the challenges that will come your way. Daily prayer and scripture study also helps so much to bring the Spirit into your home and to unite you as a couple with love and humility. I'm sure you will have a wonderful marriage! I am so happy for you guys :D

  3. Amen to that !! Ryan, you are an amazing young have learned and grown so much from those days of being 15. You will be a great husband. Love you!